My sex therapist journey started in 2008, when I noticed myself that my peers did not seem to have accurate and complete information on sex and sexuality. We were all fumbling with trying to find the “right” way to relate to our sexualities. At that time, I decided to write a book for teens and young adults that was non-judgemental, accurate and empowering. But what right did I have to write this book? Would anyone read a book written by Elle Hawkins, sex enthusiast? Or worse – would I also perpetuate inaccurate information? I knew I needed some sort of training for credibility, and to ensure that I was giving the best information possible. The only sexual health professional I knew was Barbara Streissand’s sex therapist character in Meet the Fockers. So I decided to become a sex therapist, not knowing that there were many other routes I could have taken.
Ultimately, I am glad I chose the sex therapy path, however, it might have been helpful for me to know about other options. And as I talk with people today, I have found that most do not know about the range of sexual health professionals that are out there – so I would like to share an overview of some of the options you might have as you think about navigating sexual concerns.
Sex Therapists
Sex therapists are trained mental health professionals, usually with at least a Master’s degree in a mental health field. They are either licensed or working under the license of their supervisor. They have rules and regulations that guide their practice and their boundaries and are accountable to licensing boards if unethical behavior occurs. Therapist boundaries include restrictions on touch, sexual activity, and relationships outside of the therapy space. Therapists are also legally required to maintain confidentiality and protect the information shared by clients. In most states, any therapist can call themself a sex therapist, so it is important to inquire about their background and training in sexuality. Sex therapists can provide the following:
Assessment and diagnosis of sexual health concerns as related to mental health
Education on sexuality and psychology
Support in processing and integrating past experiences and trauma
Support in navigating mental health concerns that may be impacting sexuality
Coaching for improved sexual satisfaction in the future
Sex Coaches
There is no regulation process for coaching, so it is important to inquire about what training a coach has received if any, and what their boundaries and practice include. Some coaches may have received training and be certified and the program that has certified them may have their own set of regulations or boundaries. Even if a coach has been trained as a mental health professional, if they are working with a client as a coach, it is considered unlawful for them to diagnose or treat mental health concerns, explore the past, or seek to resolve the deeper underlying issues related to mental or emotional challenges. However, because coaches do not have as many restrictions, they are able to offer important experiences such as practicing flirting skills, and some coaches include physical touch in their practice. This might range from touch over the clothes with restrictions on locations or types of touch, to interventions that may include nudity. You may seek out a coach if you are looking for:
Education on sexuality
Coaching for improved sexual satisfaction in the future
Hands-on interventions (will vary based on the boundaries of the particular coach)
A professional you can work with while you cross state borders or travel internationally (therapists can only see clients who are physically in the state they are licensed in at the time of the session)
You can find certified sex coaches at LosAngelesSexTherapy.com and SomaticaInstitute.com
Sex Educators
Sex education is a broad field, with many ways to enter into it. Sex educators frequently teach classes, create online content or courses, or maybe working in a sex-positive environment (like a sex shop) to provide guidance or support. Taking classes with a sex educator, hiring them for a conference, event, or workshop, reading their books, or setting up personal consultation could be great ways to make sure you are working with accurate information about sexuality. As with sex coaches, inquiring about training and background is important as many sex educators are not certified and many “sexperts” may be sharing information that is not evidence-based and accurate.
Sexological Bodyworkers
Sexological bodyworkers are providers who engage in somatic sex education – using breathwork, touch, embodied relating, erotic massage, masturbation coaching, and more to support a deeper understanding of your body and your sexual experiencing. These interventions are “one-way containers,” meaning they are focused on the client experience and the practitioner does not receive touch back. You can learn more about sexological bodywork from the Association of Certified Sexological Bodyworkers and other related associations.
Surrogate Partners
Surrogate partners are trained professionals who work in conjunction with mental health therapists. Surrogate Partner Therapy includes partner work in relaxation, sensual and sexual touch, and communication and social skill building. You can learn more about surrogate partner therapy here:
Sex Workers
Sex worker is an umbrella term that includes any adult who receives money or good for consensual sexual experiences or erotic performances. This includes people who provide erotic content online, such as videos, people who provide erotic experiences such as professional dom(mes), or people who engage in sex acts with clients professionally. Some coaches, sex educators, sexological bodyworkers, and surrogate partners may fall under the umbrella of “sex workers” depending on their boundaries and approach. In most states, some forms of sex work are unlawful which results in lack of support, resources, and accountability. However, many people find their time with sex workers to be important and healing.
As you consider what type(s) of sexual health professional would best fit your goals and interests, you may need to navigate local availability, laws, and financial considerations which were not focused on in this post. Hopefully, this provides a strong starting point as you begin to wade into the world of sexual health and satisfaction!
Elle Hawkins, LCSW
Author
Elizabeth “Elle” Hawkins is a licensed clinical social worker experienced in working with people across the gender spectrum, adults living with disability and chronic illness, survivors of domestic violence, people managing substance use, and those navigating grief and loss.
Elle completed their Master of Science in Social Work degree at the University of Texas at Austin and is trained in EMDR, Somatica Attachment Therapy, and the developmental model of couples counseling. With a focus on empowering people to slow down, find their authentic voice, and consciously craft their path, Elle looks forward to working with you toward more authentic, connected, and FUN expressions of self.
Check out their website for more information: ellecsw.com