If you’re kinky and in a relationship with someone who isn’t, that can feel really daunting. We don’t live in a society that welcomes open, honest conversations about sex, so when it comes to practices that are considered “taboo,” broaching the topic of kinks with your partner can be complicated.
Bringing it up can be additionally intimidating if you’re not sure how your partner will respond. But as long as you both respect each other’s boundaries and get creative with your communication, there are plenty of ways to make it work—without sacrificing any of the fun!
Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a licensed sex therapist, tells TheBody that it may be wise to avoid using terms such as “kinky” if you think that your partner may be turned off or uncomfortable with a word like that. “Instead, you can just ask them if they would ever be interested in sharing and exploring together some things that you find arousing,” she explains.
If they seem excited by the idea (or at least open-minded), Ghose says it’s important to keep communication open throughout the process of exploring something new. This means talking openly about what feels good and what doesn’t — both physically and emotionally — so that both partners feel safe and comfortable enough to continue exploring together.
Additional questions may include: where do your kinks fit into your identity–are they part of you, or something in which you take part? How do you find middle ground, once the topic is broached? And, how do you move forward if compromise can’t be made? Follow the link below for answers, as well as suggestions for resources that can help!
Caitlin Oates
Author
Doubling as LAST’s practice manager and intake coordinator, Caitlin is a writer and creative with a passion for sex-positivity, LGBTQIA advocacy, and mental health care.
Caitlin earned her bachelor’s degree in communications from Northwestern University, and now flexes those communication muscles by teaching medical students humanism skills, coaching athletes in functional fitness, and learning from and working with LAST to promote, amplify, and normalize the importance of sexual and mental health.