Green-Eyed Monster: Friend or Foe?

Despite its being one of the most prevalent hurdles we face within any relationship–romantic, platonic, familial–jealousy often goes unaddressed and swept under the rug. Moushumi Ghose, LMFT encourages us to take a closer look at this fickle feeling we tend to judge within ourselves, and others.

Essentially, when tackling the jealousy beast, steps can be taken to understand the feeling itself, and work with it toward a solution, as opposed to outright rejecting the uncomfortable feeling as wrong and “bad.” It boils down to:

1. Identifying the root cause of the jealousy–it’s a feeling and a symptom, not the problem itself. So it behooves us to ask, is it an internal insecurity fueled by past trauma? Were relationship boundaries crossed, precipitating a reactionary response? Or instead is it the raising of hackles within us, on guard to let us know that something is legitimately amiss?
2. Determining if it’s a useful form of jealousy, or unhelpful. At its most helpful, jealousy is an “ego-driven emotion that can help us tap into the old hurts and pains that we have carried with us from when we were very young. It can help us see where we have stopped loving ourselves, and where we have let others dictate our well being.” It becomes unhelpful when we allow it to manifest reactively, or fester into resentment.
3. Deciding how to address and manage it and your partner(s) moving forward – If we treat jealousy as insight into deeper issues within ourselves or within the framework of our relationship, “we can use jealousy to lean into our hurts and pain, have more talks and build connections with our partners,” Ghose says. 

If jealousy is a perceived “demon” you’ve been wrestling with, either relationally or with yourself (social media can be an enemy of self-contentment), check out some links below where Mou expands on the measures you can take to ensure this natural, normal feeling is handled with care–both for your partners, as well as yourself.