How Couples Can Soothe Stress and Stay Connected This Season

How Couples Can Soothe Stress and Stay Connected This Season

by Jamie Azar, Certified Sex Coach

The holiday season is upon us, and for many people, that may involve making travel preparations, decorating homes, attending children’s holiday plays and recitals, taking pets to get groomed, planning meals, buying gifts, and—let’s face it—a whole lot of stress!

Whether it’s the overwhelming feelings of preparation, the anticipation of predictable familial dynamics, or the anxiety that often comes with travel plans being thwarted, the holidays can bring a beautiful mix of ambivalent feelings—cheer and excitement on one hand, anxiety and pressure on the other.

Stress is a natural part of life, but when it infiltrates intimate relationships without being addressed, it can create significant challenges. The good news is that with awareness, open communication, and proactive strategies, couples can protect and even enhance their intimacy during times of stress, ensuring a smoother holiday season—and beyond.

Here are 3 ways stress may show up in your relationship, along with 3 ways to mitigate its impact and build more harmony and flow into your relational dynamics—whether you’re cozying up at home or hittin’ the road for the holidays!

1. Increased Conflict, Tension, or Strain

Stress can certainly lead to heightened reactivity, sensitivity, defensiveness, and overall stronger emotional responses, which may lead to more frequent conflicts and strain on the relationship. One partner might feel neglected, overburdened, or unsupported. For example, an argument about household chores or finances can escalate when one or both partners are stressed. This can lead to role imbalances in the relationship, where one partner takes on more responsibility, or it might create feelings of resentment or burnout—ultimately causing dissatisfaction and potential communication breakdowns in the relationship.

2. Reduced Quality of Sleep

It is a well-known fact that high levels of cortisol in the body can interfere with the REM cycle, leading to reduced sleep quality. Elevated cortisol makes it harder for the body to relax and enter deeper sleep stages, making it difficult to fall asleep, leading to frequent awakenings during the night, and leaving you feeling unrefreshed in the morning. Again, this can make it harder to get through the day, engage enthusiastically with others, and may contribute to irritability and impatience with others.

3. Decreased Emotional and Physical Connection

Stress often causes people to focus on survival and problem-solving, causing them to forget the importance of pleasure and emotional and physical connection. This can create emotional distance and weaken the overall connection between partners. They may stop engaging in affectionate behaviors like hugging, kissing, or holding hands as they become preoccupied with stress. This lack of physical affection can decrease feelings of closeness and cause both partners to miss out on the many physical benefits of touching, cuddling, and other forms of physical affection that can easily be incorporated into daily routines and rituals.

Luckily, with awareness, intention, and action, there are ways to mitigate stress, tension, and conflict not only during the holidays but beyond. Here are 3 ways to soften the impacts of stress this busy season and feel closer to your partner or spouse…

1. The 5-Minute Rule

At the beginning of the week, determine when it will be best for you to have daily 5-minute “check-ins.” During this designated time, each partner takes turns speaking for 5 minutes uninterrupted while the other listens attentively. The speaker uses this time to share feelings, frustrations, or any other topic they want to discuss. The listener cannot interrupt, offer solutions, or judge. After the speaker’s 5 minutes are up, the listener may summarize or reflect back what they heard. The roles are then reversed. This technique ensures that both partners have equal time to express themselves and helps prevent the conversation from becoming unbalanced, with one person dominating the discussion.

2. Timed Touch

Did you know that cuddling is an antidepressant? Physical touch increases oxytocin and endorphins, reduces cortisol, enhances emotional regulation, promotes attachment, improves mood, and fosters social connection. Cuddling, hugging, and other forms of touch lower blood pressure and heart rate, improve immune function, alleviate pain, enhance sleep quality, reduce muscle tension, and encourage relaxation.

At the beginning of the week, choose two days when you will schedule time for intentional touch. This could be cuddling naked, holding hands, embracing, massaging, or making out. If you have a very busy schedule, consider carving out a reasonable amount of time for this. Even if it’s just 10 minutes each, this intentional touch time can have an incredible impact on your mind, body, relationship, and quality of sleep!

3. Co-Create a Mutual Diffuser Technique

Humor can be a powerful tool for diffusing tension and lightening the mood during conflicts or stressful moments in a relationship. Try using a mutual pause gesture and simply agree to “take a moment.” Perhaps saying the word “Breathe!” will prompt a “time-out” and act as a directive to take a deep breath and reset. A gentle hand on the back or reaching for your partner’s hand is also a great way to provide comfort and foster trust and calm. You could even have a “one-minute rule” and set a timer for one minute of silence to reset, or find a way to express something you’re grateful for in the moment.

Of course, life can be stressful, but you are at the center of your own life, which gives you great power in deciding how you want to experience this journey. It’s never too late to open up the conversation with your partner, spouse, or family and talk about ways everyone can support each other during this busy season and create more time for emotional and physical connection. Amid the holiday hustle, the real gift is finding moments of calm, presence, and connection.