Til death do us part: five small words, with centuries of enormous significance behind them–however unjustified. The goal of divorce is understandably not on anyone’s romantic “to-do” lists; we enter into the contract of marriage intending, for the most part, to commit to it forever. However, life is an ebb and flow, with pretty much the only constant being change, so it’s fairly unreasonable to expect that we humans exempt ourselves from this when we say “I do.” Outgrowing marriages can happen just the same as it can in any relationship; fundamental differences may be uncovered only after the big day; abuse and manipulation can be huge factors in the dissolution of marriages… Whatever the case may be, there are many reasons for divorce, some or all of which are stigmatized to a certain degree due to some big lies still perpetuated about ~the D word~. Moushumi Ghose, MFT, identifies 7 of these, and the ways they roadblock our pursuit of our happiest, healthiest relationships.
The first, and extremely pervasive, fallacy, is that there is only one person, one Mr./Mrs. Right, for each one of us, and that it’s out of our control who it is–that the universe decides. However, marriage is an agreement and commitment that is co-created with a chosen partner–not a predetermined or predestined fate to which we are shackled. “Marriage is not about finding our soulmates, per se. Marriage is about finding someone that we are so compatible with we want to make them our sole mate,” says Ghose.
A second, and understandably hugely stressful, lie that dominates the discourse about divorce, is that the children will inevitably suffer. It’s not inaccurate that parents separating can be hard on a family, however not enough credit is given to both the resilience of kids, and the efficacy of clear, loving communication between parents and kids about the shift in family dynamics and changes to come. Also, it is worth noting that staying in a bad situation/marriage can still bring into the home the same negativity and acrimonious tensions that we so fear from divorce.
These are just two of the many beliefs society continues to uphold regarding divorce, which ultimately harm our own journeys to nuanced, nurturing relationships, with our partners as well as our larger family units. To gain additional insight into other sticky stigmas, and how to counteract those, click the link below and read on!
Caitlin Oates
Author
New to the LAST team, Caitlin is a writer, creative, and practice manager with a passion for sex-positivity, LGBTQIA advocacy, and mental health care.
Caitlin earned her bachelor’s degree in communications from Northwestern University, and now flexes those communication muscles teaching medical students humanism skills, coaching athletes in functional fitness, and learning from and working with LAST to promote, amplify, and normalize the importance of sexual and mental health.