It’s pretty standard amongst humans that we do our best to avoid being humiliated–the classic nightmares of public speaking without your notes, or showing up to school naked come to mind. However, humiliation, much like other seemingly unrelated behaviors, can actually be a source of sexual arousal and pleasure. Along with BDSM, it joins a number of other “alternative” sexual practices characterized as kinks. Wondering what kinds of things we’re even referencing when we say “humiliation”? Think partners spitting into each other’s mouths, name-calling, or [consensual] slapping, to name a few. Do you get turned on by being put down? If this rings a bell, we’re here to help handle the what’s/why’s/and how-to’s.
WHAT– The humiliation kink is sexual arousal as a result of (you guessed it) humiliation, plain and simple. It’s often predominantly considered degrading verbal phrases/speech used in consensual sexual play, but can include physical acts, such as the ones mentioned above.
WHY– One explanation maintains that, “if our life is in constant balance, or if we’re constantly seeking harmony in our day-to-day life, it’s absolutely possible that in our fantasy life, our sexual play life, that we would seek out the opposite,” says Moushumi Ghose, MFT. Essentially, it can help us feel balanced! It can also, however, be confusing, which can give rise to feelings of shame. And should shame rear its ugly head, Mou recommends seeking out a sex-positive therapist to help you work through it!
HOW to explore–It might surprise you (spoiler alert: it will not), but when it comes to exploring and introducing your humiliation kink with your partner(s), the best way to go about it is discussion. Be specific–what exactly is it that you’re hoping to hear/do? What exactly do you not want to happen? Being clear about your expectations helps ensure a safe, fun space to play. Similar to other BDSM play, it’s advisable to talk boundaries and safewords, and practice aftercare. As you probably know by now, each of these things can look different for every person, just like the kink itself, so figuring these out together helps everyone get on the same page, and helps you have the satisfying, exciting experience you deserve.
If you’re ready to dive in, but don’t know where to start, clink the link below for tips on finding ideas, clarifying what you’re looking for, and even more about the what-why-how to’s of your humiliation kink!
Caitlin Oates
Author
New to the LAST team, Caitlin is a writer, creative, and practice manager with a passion for sex-positivity, LGBTQIA advocacy, and mental health care.
Caitlin earned her bachelor’s degree in communications from Northwestern University, and now flexes those communication muscles teaching medical students humanism skills, coaching athletes in functional fitness, and learning from and working with LAST to promote, amplify, and normalize the importance of sexual and mental health.