By Jamie Azar, Certified Sex, Relationship, and Intimacy Coach
Our core beliefs around sex, sexuality, and our “right” to pleasure are often complex, nuanced, and intertwined with our past experiences.
Many of us carry the burdens of shame, guilt, repression, or inner turmoil trapped beneath our truest desires for safety, vulnerability, trust, and authentic connection. Somewhere along the way, our brains and bodies might get hijacked by our defensive emotions: panic, grief, rage, or shame, and we may find it nearly impossible to access affiliative emotions like care, play, lust, or pleasure.
Somewhere along the way, someone may have taught us we were too much.
We might have been silenced, dismissed, ignored, exploited, scolded, or shamed for our curiosity, for our childlike wonder, our desire to play, to explore, to laugh, to cry, to be messy, to make mistakes.
Shame and guilt taught us to hide.
To silence ourselves.
To ignore, to avoid.
To shrink.
The voices of shame remind us that we don’t belong, that we are the ones to blame, to question who we are to follow our dreams, our passions, to emote, to express, to feel safe enough to relate and to connect.
Each of us is designed with a unique power, intentionally, and thoughtfully ours. Like a fingerprint, no one else’s is the same color, tone, intonation.
The path to reclaiming the power of oneself, agency, autonomy, voice, pleasure, and joy is an inherent act of rebellion.
An act of beautiful defiance that reminds us, and the world, that we are here to take our power and our pleasure back.
Shame, silence, and oppression die when we share stories in safe places, support each other, and commit to valuing that everyone deserves to experience pleasure and joy in safety.
Reclamation and renewal is a conscious choice to step into the unhealed places of ourselves, to confront the hecklers in our minds, and disarm them.
Shame, guilt, and feeling “stuck” can be such powerful and deeply felt emotions, and moving through them may require creativity, compassion, and intentionality.
Here’s a list of creative, embodied, emotional, and even playful ways to move through the weight of guilt, shame, or unresolved emotional pain, whether personally or in community:
🌿 Body-Based Practices
Shake it Off – Literally shake it off. Put on music and allow yourself to move freely, shaking the energy of shame out of your limbs. Don’t judge yourself. Just start moving!
Mirror Affirmation Ritual – Look yourself in the eye in a mirror and say something compassionate out loud. Start small: “I’m learning to be gentle with myself.” Try going a step further and whispering to yourself, “I love you.”
Somatic Journaling – Before writing, ask: Where is shame or pain living in my body right now? Then write from that place—not about it, from it. Try writing at least 3 pages as it’s believed to be the threshold for emotional clearing and cleansing.
💞 Community & Healing
Share Circles – Create or join a brave space where people can share their stories without advice or fixing. Being witnessed can be healing in itself.
Teach It Forward – Transform pain into wisdom by sharing your journey with others when you’re ready (workshop, zine, podcast, etc.)Teaching can be a path to healing, empowerment, and liberation.
🌌 Spiritual + Ritual Tools
Release Ceremony – Write down painful memories or messages on slips of paper and burn or bury them with intention.
Inner Child Connection – Visualize or talk to your younger self. What did they need to hear back then? Say it now. You can even visualize yourself sending love or hugging your inner child.
Guided Meditations or Breathwork – Use practices specifically designed for releasing stored emotional energy. If you aren’t sure where to start, head to Youtube and google guided meditations or guided breathwork. You can also explore mindfulness apps like Calm.
Shame, guilt, and unresolved trauma can be debilitating, and we are here to support you. If you are struggling and need personalized support and guidance, please reach out to one of our incredible therapists and coaches at LAST. We look forward to working with you.
Jamie Azar is former graduate of the Pleasure Psychology and Sexology Certification program, a sex, relationship, and intimacy coach, educator, writer, and mindfulness practitioner based in South Carolina. She offers 1-1 coaching with singles, couples, throuples + to co-create a safe, sex-positive, transformative, liberating, and empowering space that fosters personal and relational growth. She specializes in dismantling limiting beliefs, deconstructing, and destigmatizing harmful narrative constructs, to help clients reframe and redefine their understandings of selfhood, sex, sexuality, and relationships. To work with Jamie go here!