By Jamie Azar, Sex, Relationship, and Intimacy Coach
Believe it or not, the definition of infidelity is no longer limited to the physical realm, especially in this digital age. AI and technology have not only introduced new variables in how we understand cheating and betrayal, but they have also become tools that some people use to follow their seeds of suspicion. Today, depending on who you ask, infidelity can be physical, emotional, financial, or digital.
Most people know someone who has cheated, someone who has been cheated on, or they have personally been on one or both sides of that experience. One of the most interesting shifts in how we think about infidelity is the rise of digital infidelity. Due to the growth of AI, many now agree that consistently talking to AI, forming emotional attachments, or engaging in secret relationships with AI can constitute betrayal. For some, this can feel threatening. It can feel like being replaced or losing a sense of uniqueness in the relationship. While people may assign different levels of severity to various forms of cheating, some find digital forms of infidelity involving emotional or sexual bonds with AI even more insulting than betrayal with another human.
Micro–cheating has also become a part of the modern vocabulary. Liking seductive photos, flirtatious DM threads, deleting messages, or keeping secret “friendships” online all blur the lines for some folks. There are some people who consider it infidelity when their partner watches porn, for example. For many, the fear is not just that a partner is “cheating,” but that technology can offer something they feel unable to compete with.
Technology has also introduced new ways for people to monitor their partners’ behavior or search for confirmation of their suspicions. Many people have snooped through a partner’s phone at one time or another, yet others go further by using tracking devices on vehicles or placing hidden cameras to validate their concerns. This becomes especially problematic when suspicions are unfounded, and everyone involved is left dealing with a new layer of betrayal through privacy violations. These situations could often be avoided through honest communication and direct conversation.
Before taking extreme measures or making accusations, it is important to check in with yourself. Sometimes, though not always, our own insecurities or disconnection from a partner can lead to assumptions that are not grounded in reality. Additionally, many couples never discuss what infidelity means until something has already gone wrong. Yet each person brings their own relational history, cultural influences, and attachment patterns into the relationship. What feels like a mild boundary crossing for one partner may feel like a major violation for the other.
If you believe your partner may be cheating, it is important to initiate a conversation about the behaviors that are concerning you. Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than interrogation. This helps reduce defensiveness and creates more space for openness. On the other hand, some people interpret defensiveness as guilt, which can complicate the interaction. Still, addressing the situation calmly and at a time when everyone has the emotional capacity for the conversation is a healthier path than taking extreme measures that can themselves be experienced as betrayal.
Regular check-ins around technology use, privacy, transparency, and emotional boundaries can also prevent misunderstandings and resentment from building. These conversations are not about policing each other — they’re about co-creating a sense of safety and clarity around agreements.
Many people reduce infidelity to a physical or sexual act, yet it is clear that emotional and digital infidelity are increasingly relevant in our modern world. The boundaries around relationships, intimacy, and betrayal will continue to shift alongside advances in technology and AI. One of the most important takeaways is to develop a personal definition of cheating. What does it look like and feel like to you? What is your partner’s definition? Do your definitions align? If not, how can you honor each other’s boundaries and build agreements based on trust and transparency? Establishing shared language and mutual understanding around what trust and loyalty mean for your relationship creates clarity, safety, and respect for everyone involved.
Jamie Azar is former graduate of the Pleasure Psychology and Sexology Certification program, a sex, relationship, and intimacy coach, educator, writer, and mindfulness practitioner based in South Carolina. She offers 1-1 coaching with singles, couples, throuples + to co-create a safe, sex-positive, transformative, liberating, and empowering space that fosters personal and relational growth. She specializes in dismantling limiting beliefs, deconstructing, and destigmatizing harmful narrative constructs, to help clients reframe and redefine their understandings of selfhood, sex, sexuality, and relationships. To work with Jamie go here!