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Life isn’t always ~setting the mood~ for sexy time. In fact, for most folks, sexy time takes work, and even if it doesn’t sound like it, work can be sexy (trust me). 

Here’s the deal: you aren’t alone. So many folks are in the same boat. But don’t fret; even if it might take a little more intentionality to connect with your lover(s), there are plenty of ways to help make that process feel more approachable. Plus, these ideas are all budget-friendly—while elaborate date nights can be exciting, they aren’t the only way to ~spice things up~

  • Play A Game You Already Own
    • You might be thinking, “Okay….” BUT hear me out! Play a game you already know & love but with a ~twist~. Each person can make up a little sexy reward for winning and/or losing. That way, you and your lover are having a cozy evening, maybe drinking cozy beverages, and the sexy tension has a chance to build throughout the game, knowing what awaits at the end. 
  • Have Dice? 
    • For each side of the dice, create something you will do to each other. It could be things like “full body massage” or “full body kisses…” You name it! Whatever sounds fun and ~spicy~. 
  • Give Each Other Hot Wax Massages
    • Carving out time to be intimate in a way where you are connecting with each other’s bodies can be the perfect gateway to sexy time. It can also help folks feel more relaxed and physically present after, which can help lead to sexual connection. Maude has a great massage candle (my partner and I loooove them). Instead of using hot wax, you could use some lotion you already have lying around your home!
  • You’re Never Too Old For a Slumber Party
    • Sometimes, just getting ourselves out of our normal routines helps spice up our love lives. If you’re staying in for some cozy weekend vibes, try having a slumber party in the living room or making a pillow fort to watch a movie! Intentionally creating a new space together and doing something a little ~different~ can be the perfect combination to build intimacy. Not to mention, it’s simply just FUN.
  • Talking Your Way to Intimacy
    • If you’re up for spending a little money, this game is so. much. fun. Having a game that provides the questions and container for intimacy for you can help couples feel safe to open up and get comfy together. 
  • Talk About Sex
    • Yes, I’m serious! Sometimes, just talking about sex is enough to spice things up! Sitting and chatting (outside of a sexual environment!) about your favorite sexual experiences together can be a great way to spark a little love-making. We can easily forget to talk about the ways we love connecting with our partners WITH our partners. Talking about your favorite times together, sexual or not, helps build trust, intimacy, connection, and love. And it’s so fun to learn more about each other—do you both have the same favorite stories or different ones??

What are some of your favorite ways to foster intimacy in your relationship(s)? 

Jennah DuBois

Author

Hi! I’m Jennah—a Sex Educator and Sex & Relationship Coach. After leaving the conservative Christian communities I grew up in, I realized I had a lot of unraveling to do around understanding my sexuality and myself. I realized that there so are many people in the same boat who are walking away from fundamentalist upbringings and not knowing where to turn for tools to grow and move forward. It’s so special getting to help guide people on the journey of learning more about themselves! I also love working with folks who are exploring their sexualities as adults, working towards body neutrality, and overall self-love.